Ever feel like you didn’t connect well with your athlete before the big game?  Unintentionally made them feel nervous or doubt their abilities?  Here’s how to strike the right balance between motivation and pressure to master the art of the pre-game pep talk.

If you’re like a lot of families, driving long distances to tournament games is an accepted burden – it’s part of the deal.  For better or worse, this “windshield time” with young athletes has the power to either prepare them to play their best or unknowingly sow the seeds of doubt and anxiety.

Pressure To Perform

While our pre-game pep talks are often well-intentioned, they can inadvertently place undue pressure on our kids.  Children naturally want to please their parents, so when our expectations emphasize outcomes or high stakes, the pressure to fulfill those expectations can feel overwhelming.  Statements like “you have to win this game” or “this is your chance to prove yourself” may seem motivational, but they can subconsciously shift the athlete’s focus away from playing freely and actually undermine performance.

Emotional Overload & Misalignment

A child preparing for a game needs emotional alignment that reinforces their state of mind, not one that shifts it in an unhelpful direction.  As parents, we get excited to see our kids play.  But it’s easy for our excitement to get ahead of our kids’ emotions.  When our tone, energy and message don’t match the child’s emotional state, it can cause confusion, frustration, or even disengagement.

Pre-game jitters are a natural part of competition.  Even professional athletes cope with the anticipation and eagerness of performing.  These nerves don’t typically settle down until the action starts, so excessive pre-game enthusiasm or urgency can make the game seem much larger than it needs to be.

While guidance is certainly helpful, flooding your athlete with a list of things to remember—like specific plays, techniques, or opposing players to watch out for—can overload their mental framework.  Highlighting their strengths while simultaneously warning of common mistakes can also send mixed signals, creating an internal tug-of-war within the athlete.

The bottom line is that a misconstrued pep talk can cause a young athlete to lose confidence, doubt their abilities, or place the weight of the team and the game’s outcome on their shoulders.  What seems like a simple conversation to pump up your child actually takes some thought and preparation to get right.  

Strike The Right Balance

A well-delivered pep talk can boost confidence by reinforcing an individual’s strengths and preparing them mentally for the task at hand.  The key lies in striking the right balance between motivation and reassurance, without adding unnecessary pressure.

Start by taking note of your child’s energy level and emotional state.  If they seem nervous, use a calm and reassuring tone to ease their anxiety.  If they’re feeling excited, try to match their enthusiasm to reinforce their positive mindset.  By meeting the athlete where they are emotionally, parents can help them step onto the field with confidence and clarity, ready to embrace the experience without feeling overwhelmed.

Clear & Concise Language

Focus on clear, concise language that reinforces the child’s training, preparation, and enjoyment of the game.  Let your athlete know that their effort, teamwork, and sportsmanship matter more than the final score.  Specific compliments and reminders of the hard work they’ve put in will help sustain their confidence and reassure them of their ability to perform well.  

Growth Mindset

It’s also helpful to encourage the principles of a growth mindset.  Remind your athlete to trust themselves and that mistakes are part of the process.  Errors or setbacks are nothing more than opportunities to learn and improve.  This perspective reduces the fear of failure by focusing on process over outcome and fosters long-term resilience.

The art of the pre-game pep talk is a dynamic blend of emotional intelligence, communication skills, and inspiration. It’s about meeting your athlete where they are emotionally, lifting them to where they need to be, and leaving them with the belief that they can achieve their goals. 

When done well, a pep talk has the power to channel nervousness into productive energy, leaving the athlete feeling energized and determined.

Ultimately, the impact of a pep talk depends on its delivery.  A thoughtful, well-timed message can be the spark needed to ignite sustained confidence and inspire greatness out on the field.