A simple shift in perspective for sports parents can go a long way toward supporting young athletes today and into the future.

Perspective isn’t always a given when it comes to the most important aspects of our lives.  Our family, friends, health, and careers are all places where passions can get the best of us.  Parenting is right at the top of that list, and “sports parenting” in particular, can often a trigger our strongest emotional reactions.

We’ve all been at games where a fellow parent has expressed their strong – and vocal – assessment of the action on the field.  Commentary about which kids are playing, the officials calls, or even how a particular kid could make such a bad play.

As uncomfortable as it is to hear, those reactions don’t typically come from a bad place.  We all care about how our kids perform on the field.  It impacts their emotional wellbeing and status amongst their peer group.  But placing such emphasis on singular outcomes misses the point, leading only to anxiety and a narrowing view of the bigger picture..

To be certain, something primal stirs deep inside as we watch our kids run out onto the field.  We can’t help but live vicariously through their sports lives because we want them to achieve more than we did in sports.

Achieving more might mean playing high school sports, earning a college scholarship, or (dare I say it) playing professional sports one day.  Despite their promise, however, the reality of playing sports at an elite level is quite the long shot.

According to the NCAA, less than 6% of high school football players will go on to play at any level of college competition, and a mere .08% will ever be drafted into the NFL.

The odds for boys high school basketball players are even longer with less than 3% playing college ball and .03% playing in the NBA.

The director of my son’s little league program once began a parent meeting noting that the league had been in operation since the 1950’s and tens of thousands of kids had come through the program since its inception.  He asked if anyone knew how many of those kids ever made it to the big leagues or even the higher ranks of the minor leagues.  While the answer was just a handful, he jokingly concluded by saying he was certain “our kids would be the next.”  It got a good laugh but put our role as sports parents, as well as the ultimate purpose of youth sports, into a new perspective.

The fact of the matter is, our kids aren’t going pro.

Not in sports, anyway.  Which beckons a shift of focus away from future athletic prowess toward a greater opportunity – namely, using youth sports as the centerpiece to prepare kids for challenges outside the bright lights of the sports arena.

Youth sports can be viewed as a true microcosm of life, offering an incredibly rich backdrop from which to identify, teach and reinforce life lessons.  A simple change in perspective presents an endless array of teachable moments to be knocked down one by one.

A kid’s lack of playing time becomes a lesson on perseverance.  The bad call made by an official becomes a real-time example of overcoming adversity.  And that error on the field instills the work ethic to improve and do better the next time.

Those scenarios just scratch the surface of what’s available to parents – handling success and failure, setting goals, building confidence, rewarding effort; instilling determination, consistency, dedication, resiliency, humility, respect, teamwork, sportsmanship – you name it and you can find it out on your local ball field.

This shift in perspective offers an additional benefit as well – it all eliminates the stress and emotions of gameday.  Every play on the field, whether good or bad (or even ugly), becomes an opportunity to teach rather than a setback to a kid’s future.

The time young athletes have to play sports is finite.  For most, it will be over seemingly before it even begins.  By entrusting the play-by-play to the participants on the field, parents can better appreciate the joy kids have in playing and maximize their own enjoyment of this fleeting time.

And in doing so, take comfort in the knowledge that those experiences will prepare kids for their future endeavors, even if it happens to be outside of professional sports.

When it comes to youth sports, many parents find themselves deeply invested and critical of their kids’ sports performance. From the sidelines of a soccer field to the bleachers of a basketball court, it’s common to hear parents offering unsolicited feedback, cheering passionately, or even displaying frustration if things don’t go well. This extreme level of parental engagement, however, often morphs itself into plain old criticism.

The Desire to See Their Kids Succeed

One of the primary reasons parents may criticize their child’s performance in sports is an earnest desire for their child to succeed. Many parents see sports as an avenue for personal growth, character building, and potential future opportunities. When a child makes a mistake or underperforms, parents may feel disappointed not only for the outcome but because it could limit the child’s potential. This desire for success can sometimes translate into intense expectations, which come out as critical feedback.

Living Through Their Children’s Achievements

For some parents, watching their children participate in sports can feel like a second chance to achieve the dreams they didn’t reach themselves. Known as “vicarious living,” this phenomenon occurs when parents project their unfulfilled aspirations onto their children. If a parent once dreamed of being a star athlete but didn’t reach that level, they might push their child harder, wanting them to accomplish what they couldn’t. This projection often intensifies the pressure on the child and can lead to critical and sometimes harsh assessments of their performance.

Social Pressures and Expectations

The competitive nature of youth sports has significantly increased over the years, often influenced by social pressures and cultural expectations. With the rise of social media, parents are more connected to other families’ experiences and accomplishments than ever before. This comparison can lead some parents to be overly critical of their children’s sports performance, wanting them to match or exceed the perceived standards set by others. The desire to fit in or even “keep up” with peers can fuel parental criticism, especially when they see other children excelling.

Perceived Investment and Return

Sports can be a significant financial and time investment for families. Many parents spend hours at practices, pay for equipment, and travel for tournaments. In this light, parents may view their child’s performance as a form of return on investment, especially if they’ve sacrificed time or money for the activity. When a child doesn’t perform well, parents may feel their investment isn’t yielding results, leading to frustration that can manifest as criticism.

The Misconception That Pressure Builds Resilience

Some parents believe that applying pressure will instill a strong work ethic and help build resilience in their child. They might think that tough love will encourage their child to push harder and improve. While this might work for some individuals, research suggests that constant criticism more often undermines confidence than builds it. Criticism from parents, even if well-intentioned, can foster self-doubt in children, leading them to feel as though they’re never good enough.

Lack of Understanding About Youth Development

In some cases, parents lack a deep understanding of youth sports and the physical and mental development of children. They may have unrealistic expectations of what their children can achieve at a young age, failing to recognize that mistakes and inconsistencies are part of the learning process. Criticizing a child for not meeting adult-like standards can be unfair and damaging. Youth sports experts emphasize the importance of gradual development and the value of enjoyment over performance for young athletes.

The Impact of Criticism on Children

When parents are overly critical, children can begin to associate sports with stress and anxiety instead of fun and personal growth. Studies show that constant criticism can lead to low self-esteem, a fear of failure, and a higher likelihood of quitting sports altogether. Positive reinforcement and encouragement, on the other hand, can foster a love for the sport and improve the child’s performance over time.

A Healthier Approach: Encouragement Over Criticism

To support their children in sports, parents can focus on creating a positive and supportive environment. Recognizing and celebrating effort, not just outcomes, helps build confidence and resilience. It’s essential for parents to remember that, for young athletes, sports should first and foremost be enjoyable. Encouraging a child’s love for the game and supporting their progress can yield more success—and happiness—than any form of criticism ever could.

While parents’ intentions are often rooted in love and a desire for their children to succeed, an overly critical approach can backfire. By shifting focus from performance to enjoyment and growth, parents can help their children develop a healthier, more sustainable relationship with sports, one that nurtures confidence and a lifelong passion for activity.